What is death?
Have you ever wondered what is death? When I was young, I was taught by my mom that one day, if I died, I would be able to go to heaven, a beautiful place, to continue my infinite and no-worry life. I have believed in this saying until recently.
On 17th June 2021,
My only left grandfather passed on at the age of 92. Everyone around me said that my grandfather was so lucky to have lived such a long life while not many people can. Therefore, our family needn’t grieve for his death and just let him go peacefully. Still, is this true? If it is true, why do I feel so uneasy when I heard of his death? Is it because I am just grieving. I am grieving for the person I love and respect the most. Or is it because of other reasons? I don’t know. The only thing I know is that I am getting scared. I am scared of death. This is not the first time I have seen somebody dead. But this is the first time I have been deeply wondering about death.
On 20th June 2021,
I would never forget that day, the day my grandfather was buried under the cold ground. It was Sunday, a bright, hot, but cloudy Sunday. We arrived at the graveyard where his wife, my grandma was lying. He was gonna lie next to her, the one was gone at the age of her 70s. And now after around 20 years, it came to his turn. The ceremony proceeded with many procedures that I don’t remember clearly. The only scene that minted in my mind was the moment my grandpa, who was lying in the big coffin, was put into a big hole and gradually covered by sand, soil, and tears. I looked up into the sky and that was a very beautiful sky, honestly. My mind was wandering. I started to think: if what is called “the soul of a dead person” is really existed, what was my grandpa, who was now lying down there, looked up to the sky like what I was doing now, thinking? Since the angles of observation of mine and his are different, I believe my feelings and his are also not the same. I stood on the ground and looked up. I could see a wide blue sky and feel cool winds. But how about him? He lied in the hole in the ground and looked up. He could only see the rectangle blue sky and feel no air or winds. What did he feel? He would be scared and lonely. I felt really bad to imagine how sad he was when he was lying down there. At that moment, I suddenly hoped. No, I wished. I wished that he didn’t have any soul. He would not know anything or feel anything. He was just dead, a real dead, and disappeared permanently so that he would not be scared as the way I thought him to be.
Some people choose to believe in a second life after death. In Buddhism, when people are dead, their souls would get out of their physical bodies and go to hell to wait for the decision of the death god. Some are decided to become animals in the next life. Some will go back to be human. Or some will be allowed to go the heaven to live there for good. In the contrast, others choose to not believe in it. I don’t understand why they don’t before but now I got the answer for myself. The moment I chose to accept that death is the permanent end, I feel unscared. I feel I am ready to live this life to the fullest. I look at my mother and my father and tell myself that someday I will not see them anymore and neither do they. Hence, I have to create as many good memories with them as possible so that when they are gone, I will not suffer emptiness or regret. As of now, when my grandpa was not by my side anymore, the only thing I could do is remembering all of those days I got with him and keeping them in my heart until my death. Nothing is forever. In Chinese proverbs, there is a saying that “All good things must come to an end.” When I accept this truth, I begin to know how to appreciate any moment I obtained in life.
